Dowcipy dnia

Podczas podjazu zaloga lotu US Air do Fort Lauderdale zle skrecila i w rezultacie stanela nos w nos z samolotem United 727. Zirytowany damski glos kontrolera zlajal zaloge US Air, krzyczac: "US Air 2771, gdzie wy jedziecie? Mowilam, z macie skrecic w prawo, na pas C! A wy skreciliscie na D! Zatrzymajcie sie natychniast. Wiem, z trudno odroznic C od D, ale sprobujcie! Ciagnac swoja tyrade do zaklopotanej zalogi, krzyczala histerycznie: Boz, wszystko popieprzyliscie! Cale wieki zajmie odkrecanie tego! Zostancie, gdzie jestescie i nie ruszajcie sie zanim nie powiem! Oczekujcie instrukcji do podjazdu za jakies pol godziny; chce zbyscie jechali dokladnie gdzie wam wskaze, kiedy wskaze i jak wam wskaze! Zrozumieliscie, US Air 2771? "Tak jest, prosze pani" odpowiedziala pokornie zaloga. Oczywiscie na czestotliwosci kontroli naziemnej zapadla smiertelna cisza. Nikt nie chcial ruszac zirytowanej pani z kontroli naziemnej w jej obecnym stanie. W kazdym kokpicie wzrastalo napiecie. I wtedy nierozpoznany pilot zlamal te cisze, pytajac: "Czy ja nie bylem kiedys z toba zonaty?"


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Lepiej miec tasiemca, niz zadnego zycia wewnetrznego.


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News



TPMCafé
Warnings Not Enough for Gaza Families
New York Times - 3 hours ago
By TAGHREED EL-KHODARY and ISABEL KERSHNER GAZA - The Samouni family knew they were in danger. They had been calling the Red Cross for two days, they said, begging to be taken out of Zeitoun, a poor area in eastern Gaza City that is considered a ...
Video: Notebook: Gaza CBS
Gaza Crisis Could Create Openings Wall Street Journal
Times Online - BBC News - Jerusalem Post - AFP
all 22,397 news articles



GulfNews
Bipartisanship praised after economic stimulus meeting
CNN - 1 hour ago
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Congressional leaders from both parties were optimistic Monday after meeting with President-elect Barack Obama to discuss his package of tax cuts and spending proposals aimed at reviving the beleaguered economy.
Video: Obama's Pushes Stimulus Plan CBS
Obama Pitches Stimulus Package to House Republicans Washington Post
Austin American-Statesman - Detroit Free Press - San Francisco Chronicle - St. Louis Post-Dispatch
all 4,427 news articles



ITV.com
Pakistan 'knew of Mumbai plot'
Aljazeera.net - 47 minutes ago
A senior Indian government official has suggested that leading figures in the Pakistani establishment must have known of the plot to carry out last November's deadly attacks in Mumbai, and hinted that some may have actively supported it.
India Seeks Extraditions in Mumbai Siege New York Times
India hands Mumbai dossier to Pakistan to back extradition plea guardian.co.uk
Pakistan Dawn - Press Trust of India - Pittsburgh Tribune-Review - Financial Times
all 3,039 news articles



Irish Examiner
Taliban whopper: claim 5220 foreign troops killed
The Associated Press - 1 hour ago
KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) - The Taliban has long exaggerated its military successes, but its figures for 2008 may be the militia's most startling claims yet.
Video: Pakistan's War: On the Front Line - 5 Jan 08 - Part 4 AlJazeeraEnglish
Pakistan's tribal faultline Aljazeera.net
United Press International - AFP - Daily Times - New York Times
all 966 news articles



Sydney Morning Herald
Japanese whaler missing in Antarctic: officials
AFP - 1 hour ago
TOKYO (AFP) - A crew member on Japan's controversial whaling mission is believed to have fallen overboard in icy Antarctic Ocean waters, the fleet's operator said Tuesday.
Japanese whaler presumed drowned in Southern Ocean Reuters
Japanese whaler drowns in Southern Ocean Times Online
The Associated Press - ABC Online - Los Angeles Times - United Press International
all 338 news articles



Boston Globe
Credentials of Burris Are Rejected by Senate
New York Times - 2 hours ago
Roland W. Burris talked to reporters at news conference at Midway Airport in Chicago on Monday before leaving for Washington. By CARL HULSE WASHINGTON - Senate officials on Monday rejected credentials offered on behalf of Roland W. Burris, ...
Video: Senate Seat Spectacle CBS
Burris saga shows Milwaukee's political connections Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
USA Today - Boston Globe - CNN - CBS News
all 2,649 news articles



CTV.ca
Richardson, Obama Teams Trade Blame
Washington Post - 1 hour ago
By Carol D. Leonnig and Michael D. Shear Weeks before President-elect Barack Obama chose New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson to head the Commerce Department, a small group of volunteers with ethics, tax and investigative expertise -- most of them lawyers ...
Video: Richardson Addresses Withdrawing Nomination AssociatedPress
In Santa Fe, Staying Can Also Be Such Sweet Sorrow New York Times
FOXNews - Wall Street Journal - The Associated Press - San Antonio Express
all 2,477 news articles



New York Daily News
Two Seats Up in the Air as New Senate Convenes
Wall Street Journal - 54 minutes ago
By BRAD HAYNES WASHINGTON -- The fate of two would-be senators remained unsettled as Congress prepared to resume business, presenting a quandary for Democratic leaders.
Video: Franken: Senate Victory 'Incredibly Humbling' AssociatedPress
Franken Win Certified, but Senate Will Delay Seating Washington Post
New York Times - Reuters - Boston Herald - CNN International
all 1,650 news articles



ABC News
Jobs Health Still Concerns Investors Seeking Apple ‘Smart Guys’
Bloomberg - 30 minutes ago
By Connie Guglielmo Jan. 6 (Bloomberg) -- Steve Jobs’s efforts to reassure Apple Inc.’s followers about his health left some investors with more questions than answers.
Hormones? Steve Jobs Paints A Not-So-Clear Picture of Health Washington Post
Experts tie pancreatic surgery to Jobs' weight San Francisco Chronicle
CNNMoney.com - Los Angeles Times - BBC News - Reuters
all 1,670 news articles



ABC News
Auto sales plunge again in December
CNNMoney.com - 3 hours ago
Sales of cars, trucks and SUVs all plummeted, capping the worst year for industrywide auto sales since 1992. By Chris Isidore, CNNMoney.
Video: Chrysler, Toyota, Lead Declines in Auto Sales AssociatedPress
Toyota, Honda US Slump Ends Gains Dating to Mid-90s Bloomberg
BusinessWeek - International Herald Tribune - Reuters - The Associated Press
all 1,507 news articles



Aljazeera.net
Madoff Sons Reported Jewelry Violations to US, Lawyer Says
Bloomberg - 30 minutes ago
By David Glovin Jan. 6 (Bloomberg) -- The sons of Bernard Madoff, who is accused of orchestrating a massive Ponzi scheme, told prosecutors last week that their father violated a court-ordered asset freeze by mailing them jewelry, watches and other ...
Prosecutors Want Madoff’s Bail Revoked New York Times
Madoff sightings cause heads to turn Reuters
The Associated Press - guardian.co.uk - New York Daily News - Financial Times
all 651 news articles



CNET News
Yukon Ho! HP Launches Athlon Neo-Based dv2 Laptop
PC Magazine - 47 minutes ago
by Cisco Cheng Shortly after AMD announced the netbook-friendly Yukon platform at CES 2009, HP was the first out of the gate with a notebook including the new Athlon Neo processor, the HP Pavilion dv2.
New HP ultraportable first to use AMD Neo chip CNET News
HP's new lightweight Pavilion laptops light on wallet, too Computerworld
VNUNet.com - Yahoo! Tech - NotebookReview.com - CrunchGear
all 38 news articles



DVICE
Hands On with the Atom-Powered HP Mini 2140
PC Magazine - 47 minutes ago
by Cisco Cheng The HP 2133 Mini-Note was and still is ahead of its time, design-wise, with an aluminum finish that made the original ASUS eeePC 4G look like an infant's toy.
First third-generation Netbook: HP Mini 2140 CNET News
CES: HP says new netbook can run for up to 8 hours between charges Computerworld
DVICE - LAPTOP Magazine - HardwareGeeks.com (press release) - Wired Blogs
all 11 news articles



TechCrunch
Following The Twitter Hack Trail To DigitalGangster
TechCrunch - 29 minutes ago
by Michael Arrington on January 5, 2009 One thing that didn’t make a lot of sense about the 33 celebrity Twitter accounts hacked this morning - the messages left on the various accounts weren’t consistent and were clearly written by different people ...
Hackers hijack Obama's, Britney's Twitter accounts Computerworld
Twitter's veracity chewed up by Britney's four-foot vagina Register
PC World - CNET News - United Press International - CNN
all 146 news articles



Telegraph.co.uk
TV converter coupon program's out of cash; wait list started
USA Today - 35 minutes ago
By Leslie Cauley, USA TODAY The government's $1.34 billion coupon program for digital converter boxes ran out of money on Sunday.
103000 on digital converter waiting list San Francisco Chronicle
TV Converter Program Runs Out of Coupons Washington Post
Wall Street Journal - Variety - Kingsport Times News - Tampa Tribune
all 612 news articles



ABC News
People: Death of John Travolta son's is blamed on seizure
San Jose Mercury News - 50 minutes ago
By Tony Hicks Jett Travolta's body shows no sign of head trauma and his death certificate says he was killed by a "seizure," an undertaker said Monday, as the 16-year-old's celebrity parents prepared for a Florida funeral.
Autopsy performed in Bahamas on Travolta's son Washington Post
Death certificate: Travolta son killed by seizure The Associated Press
E! Online - Baltimore Examiner - Tampa Tribune - Channel News Asia
all 5,074 news articles



Stuff.co.nz
Lindsay's Tired of Rumors Starting
Extra TV - 53 minutes ago
"Labor Pains" star Lindsay Lohan hit the web to take on rumors that she and deejay Samantha Ronson have split. "Little piece of TRUE information: we did NOT break up!
Lindsay Lohan Denies Split With Samantha Ronson People Magazine
Updated: Lindsay Lohan Says She & Samantha Ronson Are Still Together Access Hollywood
E! Online - Actress Archives - OK! Magazine - SheWired
all 225 news articles



Canoe.ca
NCAA Game Summary - Ohio State vs. Texas
Sports Network - 36 minutes ago
Glendale, AZ (Sports Network) - Colt McCoy's 26-yard touchdown pass to Quan Cosby with 16 seconds remaining lifted third-ranked Texas to a 24-21 Fiesta Bowl win over No.
Texas rallies past Ohio State 24-21 in Fiesta The Associated Press
Bests from the first half of the Fiesta Bowl The Plain Dealer - cleveland.com
International Herald Tribune - News 8 Austin - Kansas City Star - WTRF
all 1,587 news articles



Tampabay.com
Burrell, Rays Agree; Twins Owner Dies
Washington Post - 40 minutes ago
The Tampa Bay Rays added a big bat to the middle of their lineup, agreeing yesterday on a two-year, $16 million contract with Burrell.
Signing slugger Burrell addresses team’s need at DH Bradenton Herald
Burrell Brings Big Bat To Bolster Rays Tampa Tribune
Tampabay.com - MLB.com - Austin American-Statesman - The Queensberry Rules
all 404 news articles



The Associated Press
Pat Burrell Signs With Rays; Milton Bradley Expected to Join Cubs
New York Times - 1 hour ago
By BEN SHPIGEL The logjam of free-agent outfielders finally showed signs of breaking Monday. Pat Burrell joined the Tampa Bay Rays, and Milton Bradley has apparently decided to play for the Chicago Cubs.
Milton Bradley to sign with Cubs Chicago Tribune
Bradley to travel to Chicago MLB.com
FOXSports.com - The Associated Press - Chicago Sun-Times
all 325 news articles


Health-Care Outlays Climb at Slowest Rate in Years
Wall Street Journal - 49 minutes ago
By VANESSA FUHRMANS and JANE ZHANG Health-care spending grew at its lowest rate in nearly a decade in 2007, but it continued to swallow an ever-bigger portion of US gross domestic product and family budgets, a new federal study shows.
Spending Rise for Health Care and Prescription Drugs Slows New York Times
Health Spending Continues To Explode Forbes
Reuters - The Associated Press - USA Today - Bizjournals.com
all 83 news articles



Newsweek
Vital Signs A Note to the Wise on MySpace Helps
New York Times - 47 minutes ago
By ERIC NAGOURNEY Teenagers often use social networking sites like MySpace to post intimate personal information they come to regret, as it lets future employers (or online predators) learn about sex activity and substance abuse.
Teens Divulge Risky Behavior on Social Networking Sites Washington Post
Study: Teens on MySpace mention sex, violence CNN
Ivanhoe - USA Today - Bizjournals.com - Newsweek
all 180 news articles



BBC News
CFS Linked to Childhood Trauma
WebMD - 4 hours ago
By Salynn Boyles Jan. 5, 2009 -- Experiencing serious trauma during childhood may increase a person's risk for developing chronic fatigue syndrome later in life, a new study suggests.
Chronic fatigue, early trauma linked USA Today
Stress hormone 'a marker for ME' BBC News
Ivanhoe - Bloomberg - AFP - About - News & Issues
all 23 news articles



TVNZ
Panetta Chosen as CIA Chief in Surprise Step
New York Times - 1 hour ago
By MARK MAZZETTI and CARL HULSE WASHINGTON - Leon E. Panetta, a former congressman and White House chief of staff, has been selected by President-elect Barack Obama to head the Central Intelligence Agency.
Video: Schieffer On Obama Cabinet CBS
Obama picks former Clinton aide Panetta for CIA Reuters
San Francisco Chronicle - Austin American-Statesman - San Jose Mercury News - TIME
all 1,208 news articles



Washington Times
California gay marriage battle turns to court role
Reuters - 2 hours ago
By Peter Henderson SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - The legal battle over gay marriage in California turned on Monday to whether the state's top court could strike down a change in the state constitution that was approved by voters.
Prop. 8 backers blast Calif. Attorney General The Associated Press
Prop. 8 proponents call Jerry Brown 'profoundly wrong' San Francisco Chronicle
San Jose Mercury News - Gilroy Dispatch - Gay.com - PageOneQ.com
all 144 news articles



Los Angeles Times
Bush to Protect Vast New Pacific Tracts
New York Times - 1 hour ago
Saipan, part of the Northern Marianas, which are among the islands, reefs, waters and parts of the Pacific Ocean floor that President Bush will designate as marine national monuments.
Bush casts wide net for marine conservation CNN International
Bush to make Pacific's Mariana Trench a national monument USA Today
Los Angeles Times - The Associated Press - Reuters - The Miami Herald
all 298 news articles

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