Dowcipy dnia

Ach, przychodzi baba do lekarza i mowi: - Panie doktorze, wszyscy mowia mi, z ja jestem nienormalna, lubie nalesniki.
- Alez skad, ja tez lubie naleniki - odpowiada lekarz.
- Och, to ja pana bardzo zapraszam, mam cala szafe nalesnikow.


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Dyrektor przyjal blondynke jako sekretarke i w pierwszym dniu pracy udziela jej instruktazu:
- Niech pani zapamieta, z nalezy trzy razy dodawac cyfry zanim przedstawi mi pani koncowa sume. Ona musi byc sprawdzona i pewna!
- Prosze, panie dyrektorze. To sumowalam nawet dziesiec razy.
- Znakomicie. Lubie takie sumienne sekretarki!
- A tu ma pan dziesiec wynikow.


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News



TPMCafé
Blair: Gaza cease-fire must halt Hamas smuggling
CNN International - 1 hour ago
JERUSALEM (CNN) -- Any cease-fire in the Gaza conflict will require "clear and definitive action" to halt the smuggling of weapons and money into the Hamas-ruled Palestinian territory, former British Prime Minister Tony Blair said Tuesday.
Video: Gaza civilians braced for new attacks RussiaToday
Israel 'expands Gaza offensive' BBC News
Reuters - Voice of America - International Herald Tribune - The Associated Press
all 23,656 news articles



BBC News
Obama Said to Favor $775 Billion for Stimulus Plan
Bloomberg - 1 hour ago
By Laura Litvan and Brian Faler Jan. 6 (Bloomberg) -- President-elect Barack Obama told House Speaker Nancy Pelosi he favors a price tag of about $775 billion for the US economic stimulus plan, a Democratic aide said.
Video: Obama's Pushes Stimulus Plan CBS
Obama goes to bat for stimulus Boston Globe
Reuters - Seattle Times - The Associated Press - Detroit Free Press
all 5,154 news articles



ABC News
India: Pakistanis 'must have' backed Mumbai attack
The Associated Press - 57 minutes ago
NEW DELHI (AP) - Pakistani authorities "must have had" a hand in the deadly Mumbai siege, India's prime minister said Tuesday, stopping just short of directly accusing Islamabad of aiding the gunmen.
Video: Singh: Pakistan Agency Had Hand in Attack AssociatedPress
Indian PM points finger at Pakistan spy agency Times Online
Bloomberg - New York Times - PRESS TV - Xinhua
all 2,779 news articles



ABC News
Gunmen raid Sri Lanka TV station
BBC News - 1 hour ago
Gunmen armed with grenades have ransacked offices of the largest private TV broadcaster in Sri Lanka. The attack near Colombo followed some criticism in state media of the MBC group's coverage of recent army gains against Tamil Tiger rebels.
Sri Lanka seizes key rebel defense line in north The Associated Press
Private TV station attacked in Sri Lanka: police AFP
Aljazeera.net - Hindu - Korea Herald - New York Times
all 3,604 news articles



ABC News
Militants kill cleric, 3 police in S Afghanistan
Xinhua - 1 hour ago
KABUL, Jan. 6 (Xinhua) -- Three policemen and one cleric were killed by militants in two separate clashes in Taliban former stronghold Kandahar, officials said Tuesday.
Video: Pakistan's War: On the Front Line - 5 Jan 08 - Part 4 AlJazeeraEnglish
Afghan cleric shot to death in mosque The Associated Press
AFP - Monsters and Critics.com - Reuters India - Wall Street Journal
all 693 news articles



New York Times
Panetta Chosen as CIA Chief in Surprise Step
New York Times - 33 minutes ago
By MARK MAZZETTI and CARL HULSE WASHINGTON - Leon E. Panetta, a former congressman and White House chief of staff, has been selected by President-elect Barack Obama to head the Central Intelligence Agency.
Video: Schieffer On Obama Cabinet CBS
Panetta says his wife will run institute if he goes to CIA San Jose Mercury News
Washington Post - San Francisco Chronicle - Baltimore Sun - The Associated Press
all 1,407 news articles



MiamiHerald.com
Obama's election is changing the politics of race
Los Angeles Times - 5 hours ago
Many black leaders are rejecting the old tactics of protest and rhetoric of inequality. 'You can't use 50-year-old ideas in a new political era,' one pastor says.
Video: Officials: Burris Won't Be Sworn in With Others AssociatedPress
Blinders not a good look for Burris; ambition in the way Chicago Sun-Times
The Associated Press - New York Times - Seattle Times - The Washington Independent
all 3,292 news articles



BBC News
Two Seats Up in the Air as New Senate Convenes
Wall Street Journal - 7 hours ago
By BRAD HAYNES WASHINGTON -- The fate of two would-be senators remained unsettled as Congress prepared to resume business, presenting a quandary for Democratic leaders.
Video: Franken: Senate Victory 'Incredibly Humbling' AssociatedPress
Democrat Is Winner in Recount of Minnesota Senate Race New York Times
Boston Globe - MSNBC - WKBT - Reuters
all 1,758 news articles



Washington Post
TOPWRAP 3-European data grim, Toyota to halt output in Japan
Reuters - 1 hour ago
By Mark Trevelyan LONDON, Jan 6 (Reuters) - Dire economic data underlined the severity of recession in Europe on Tuesday, while Toyota Motor Corp (7203.
Video: Chrysler, Toyota, Lead Declines in Auto Sales AssociatedPress
Toyota to Shut Factories for 11 Days New York Times
Wall Street Journal - Bloomberg - guardian.co.uk - Detroit Free Press
all 2,145 news articles



BBC News
European Inflation Rate Drops to Lowest in Two Years
Bloomberg - 1 hour ago
By Ben Sills and Jurjen van de Pol Jan. 6 (Bloomberg) -- Europe’s inflation rate fell to the lowest in more than two years in December as oil prices plunged and consumer spending slumped, increasing the scope for the European Central Bank to reduce ...
Euro-Zone Inflation Falls Below ECB Target Wall Street Journal
Euro weakens on rate cut evidence BBC News
Reuters - guardian.co.uk - MarketWatch - The Associated Press
all 391 news articles



Fresh News
Logitech to Cut 500 Jobs After Abandoning 2009 Profit Forecast
Bloomberg - 35 minutes ago
By Andrea Tan and Allan Lopez Jan. 6 (Bloomberg) -- Logitech International SA, the biggest maker of computer mice, will cut 15 percent of its non- manufacturing jobs and withdrew its fiscal 2009 profit targets because of the deepening global recession.
Logitech cuts jobs, abandons targets Reuters
Logitech Chairman Urges Caution For 2009 Forbes
Wall Street Journal - MarketWatch - PC World - Inquirer
all 153 news articles



The Age
Macworld in Preview: Swan Song?
InternetNews.com - 38 minutes ago
With Apple making its final appearance at the annual trade show, what will the future hold for the show? By Andy Patrizio: More stories by this author: Tuesday's upcoming Macworld conference and expo in San Francisco will be historical -- either as the ...
The prognosis for Apple's Steve Jobs: continuing conjecture Los Angeles Times
Was Apple 'Adequate but Late' on Jobs? BusinessWeek
ITProPortal - San Francisco Chronicle - TG Daily - CNET News
all 1,907 news articles



Washington Post
The Nation's Weather
The Associated Press - 38 minutes ago
A cold front stretching from the Southeast to the Northeast was expected to trigger showers and thunderstorms early Tuesday, while heavy rain was expected in the Pacific Northwest.
Complex Storms Nasty Weather AccuWeather.com
Winter weather advisory in effect today Zanesville Times Recorder
Berkshire Eagle - Press & Sun-Bulletin - NBC4i.com
all 788 news articles



Gadgetrepublic
Following The Twitter Hack Trail To DigitalGangster
Washington Post - 5 hours ago
One thing that didn't make a lot of sense about the 33 celebrity Twitter accounts hacked this morning - the messages left on the various accounts weren't consistent and were clearly written by different people with different agendas.
Twitter accounts of over 30 celebrities hacked TopNews
Twitter's veracity chewed up by Britney's four-foot vagina Register
DotMusic.com - United Press International - PC World - CNET News
all 224 news articles



Times Online
Seizure killed John Travolta's son
New York Daily News - 5 hours ago
The farewell flight plan was announced Monday night after a Bahamian funeral home listed 16-year-old Jett Travolta's cause of death as a "seizure disorder" and cremated his remains.
Travolta's son said to have died of seizure, not head injury Los Angeles Times
Travolta son died of seizure Philadelphia Inquirer
TopNews - NBC13.com - Boston Herald - The Associated Press
all 5,396 news articles



Washington Post
TV Converter Program Runs Out of Funding
Washington Post - 5 hours ago
Consumers with analog televisions who tune in using antennas will need a digital converter box, left, once television stations stop broadcasting in analog Feb. 17.
Analog TV Viewers In No Hurry To Redeem Digital Coupons MSNBC
TV converter coupon program's out of cash; wait list started USA Today
News Sentinel - Orlando Sentinel - Variety - Wall Street Journal
all 645 news articles


Lionsgate to acquire TV Guide Network and TVGuide.com
Los Angeles Times - 3 hours ago
The studio will pay $255 million in a surprise move that derails a previously announced deal. By Claudia Eller In a surprise move, Lionsgate Entertainment Corp.
Macrovision Finds New Deal for TV Guide Network Adweek
Lionsgate to buy TV Guide for $255 million Reuters
TheCelebrityCafe.com - Hollywood Reporter - Wall Street Journal - New York Times Blogs
all 63 news articles



Canoe.ca
Texas rallies past Ohio State 24-21 in Fiesta Bowl
Newsweek - 3 hours ago
Colt McCoy leads the way as No. 3 Texas rallies past No. 10 Ohio State 24-21 in Fiesta Bowl By ANDREW BAGNATO AP College Football Writer | AP Please fill in the following information and we'll email this link.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL REPORT: McCoy pass wins it with 16 seconds left Atlanta Journal Constitution
'Horns ride real McCoy Chicago Tribune
Kansas City Star - SportingNews.com - Houston Chronicle - Fort Worth Star Telegram
all 2,055 news articles



TSN.ca
Free-agent Burrell signs with Rays
San Jose Mercury News - 1 hour ago
By JIM SEIMAS Outfielder Pat Burrell is off the free-agent market. The Boulder Creek native signed a two-year, $16-million deal with the Tampa Bay Rays on Monday afternoon.
Rays add Burrell's bat to their lineup Boston Globe
Hot Stove roundup: Rays leading way MLB.com
Philadelphia Daily News - Washington Post - Boston Herald - Chicago Tribune
all 488 news articles



Boston Globe
Florida's go-to guy
Boston Globe - 3 hours ago
Surrounded at media day, Florida QB Tim Tebow is accustomed to being the center of attention. (Carlos Barria/Reuters) By Mark Blaudschun MIAMI - He is used to it now, the rock-star status that has prompted extra security this week as his Florida team ...
For Sooners, dubious starts with 'D' USA Today
Sooners’ Offense Is Like Something Gators’ Meyer Has Seen Before New York Times
New York Daily News - Gainesville Sun - Dallas Morning News - Kansas City Star
all 1,239 news articles



Newsweek
A Note to the Wise on MySpace Helps
New York Times - 6 hours ago
By ERIC NAGOURNEY Teenagers often use social networking sites like MySpace to post intimate personal information they come to regret, as it lets future employers (or online predators) learn about sex activity and substance abuse.
Teens Divulge Risky Behavior on Social Networking Sites Washington Post
Study: Teens on MySpace mention sex, violence CNN
AHN - TopNews - Newsweek - USA Today
all 247 news articles



Fresh News
Nation's health spending rises, but not so much
San Jose Mercury News - 4 hours ago
By KEVIN FREKING AP Writer WASHINGTON—Health care continued to take up a greater share of the economy in 2007, as spending on hospitals, doctors and other services increased 6.1 percent to $2.2 trillion.
Healthcare spending in US slows Los Angeles Times
Healthcare Spending Growth Slowed in 2007 MedPage Today
Nashua Telegraph - ModernHealthcare.com - Times Daily
all 337 news articles



BBC News
Warning over 'third hand smoke'
BBC News - 1 hour ago
Many people are unaware that even smoking away from babies or pregnant women presents a risk, according to US research. Poisons in cigarette smoke can linger on fabrics or hair, but a survey of 1500 households found that fewer than half of smokers knew ...
Study warns about toxins from 'third-hand smoke' CTV.ca
Study warns of third-hand smoke Xinhua
Chicago Tribune - Natural News.com - KARK - Telegraph.co.uk
all 76 news articles



WELT ONLINE
Russian Gas Supply Via Ukraine Drops; Balkans Halted
Bloomberg - 50 minutes ago
By Daryna Krasnolutska and Rachel Graham Jan. 6 (Bloomberg) -- Russian natural gas shipments to Europe through Ukraine plummeted and deliveries to the Balkans were halted at the Romanian border as a dispute over pricing led to the sixth day of supply ...
Video: Ukraine to make up for stolen gas RussiaToday
Italy Not Concerned About Russia-Ukraine Gas Dispute CNNMoney.com
Wall Street Journal - Reuters - New York Times - Forbes
all 2,201 news articles



FOXNews
CDR, at root of Richardson probe, is no stranger to suits
Los Angeles Times - 4 hours ago
By William Heisel The Beverly Hills financial advisory firm at the center of the investigation that derailed New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson's hopes of becoming commerce secretary has had a series of run-ins with federal and state agencies -- and a ...
Video: Richardson Addresses Withdrawing Nomination AssociatedPress
Richardson, Obama Teams Trade Blame Washington Post
Chicago Tribune - CNN International - FOXNews - Christian Science Monitor
all 2,597 news articles



New York Times
Bush to Protect Three Areas in Pacific
Washington Post - 3 hours ago
By Juliet Eilperin President Bush will create three new marine national monuments in the Pacific Ocean today, according to his top aides, a move that will help preserve sprawling sea and island ecosystems and cement the one aspect of his legacy that ...
Bush to create three marine monuments Los Angeles Times
Bush to make Pacific's Mariana Trench a national monument USA Today
New York Times - The Associated Press - CNN International - WTTE
all 392 news articles

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